Mommy You Were Suppose to Catch Me...

On Thursday at 9:10 p.m. my sweet son fell and shattered his elbow. Phil was an hour away at a stake Priesthood meeting and I was home alone with the kids visiting teaching. I had asked my Relief Society sisters to stay and visit for a little bit because I was kind of having a bad day and Phil had been working late all week and I just needed some adult interaction. Luckily they were there because when Jacob fell from the playhouse I completely panicked. But my good friend Kina picked Jacob up, told me to stop screaming, and put us both into her car. Carol then stayed with the girls while Kina stayed with me until Phil showed up. We spent 2.5 hours at Fremont Memorial and then transferred to St. Vincent's at midnight. Jacob had surgery the following morning at 9:30 a.m.

He was such a trooper he of course cried but he still remembered his manners and thanked the doctors and nurses for helping him as well as just being such an awesome kid!

On the way to the hospital he kept saying, "Mommy this is your fault, you were suppose to catch me". That just made me cry harder. "Oh, my beautiful boy, I'm so sorry I couldn't catch you, if I only knew". How many times in his life is he going to make poor decisions and then wonder why I wasn't there to pick him up? How many times do we blame our Heavenly Father for not catching us and then we have to face consequences that hurt us physically or emotionally. I've been thinking a lot about this since that eternal car ride to the ER.

Once we were finally put into a room in the pediatric wing, I could hear other children screaming and crying. And I just pleaded in my heart that they and their parents would be comforted, that they would be ok and I know that some of them weren't going to be, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for their pain and their potential loss. I'm particularly sorrowful for the children who are hurting and don't have a mommy or daddy to kiss their boo boos and tell them that it's going to be alright.

Is that what it's like to be God, to hear the innermost cries of His children and carry his own sadness of not being able to cradle us in our pain? He has given all of us the comfort of the Holy Ghost but at times he must want to physically hold us, and gently caress our tear stained cheeks. Much like I wanted to hold and comfort my Jacob but could only hold his hand.

These are my thoughts this week. This is my testimony that I know God and Jesus Christ live and that each of us has the right to a personal relationship them as children of a Heavenly Father. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

p.s. Jacob did have surgery Friday morning. They put four pins into his elbow and he was back in his room by noon. He was released and home by 1:30 p.m. on Saturday and is on bed rest until Tuesday. But he's in great spirits and is loving all of the visits and goodies from loving friends and family. Each of the primary kids even made him get well cards and a bag of Hershey kisses, one from each of his church friends, delivered by Kina, her husband Ken and their daughter Alexa. Jacob's doing awesome whereas his dear ol' ma is fighting the internal battle to not put her babies into child size hamster balls.