Mena, Mena, Ballerina

Pics of my darling little Mena in dance class on Wednesday the 14th of October.

Upon the roles of the church she'll be known as Ellis.

On Sunday, September 27th, Ellis' dad Phil, along with Grandpa Elison, Grandpa Ridoutt, Uncle Ron, Uncle Ammon and Uncle Robert and Branch President Smith gave her a special blessing conferred upon an infant. In it her full name, Ellis Grace Wylykanowitz, is stated so as to be placed upon the roles of the church.

This blessing is special because it is the beginning of her journey in the gospel. Though she won't be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints until she accepts baptism, her name is now recorded for genealogy and posterity. Then the blessing continues and a child is given specific blessings according to how the Spirit inspires the priesthood holder administering the blessing.

The morning I dress my babies in their blessing clothes I try to take a quiet moment alone with them to think of how special their little spirits are and where they have so recently come from. I also think about how this white outfit is just one of three very important spiritual experiences they have the opportunity to partake in. Their blessing, their baptism, their marriage through the sealing ordinance of the temple.

Ellis' blessing gown is my favorite of the three. Jacob's I bought at Deseret Books in Portland, Mena's was a dress I had found in a thrift store when I was 20 and had held onto all those years in the hopes of someday having a baby girl, but Ellis' was handmade by her Aunt Emily and the "E" on the bodice came from the monogrammed handkerchief of my Grandma Elizabeth, the mother of my mother Joan in California.

This morning my little family will gather in our back room on the red couch and listen to General Conference being broadcast from Salt Lake. These semi-annual conferences are like holidays for me. They are my favorite four days of the year. It's a chance to truly feel like our home has a place in Zion.

In the Book of Mormon, Mosiah, Chapter 2, versus 5-6, it reads,

"5: And it came to pass that when they came up to the temple, they pitched their tents round about, every man according to his family, consisting of his wife, and his sons, and his daughters, and their sons, and their daughters, from the eldest down to the youngest, every family being separate one from another.
6: And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them;"

That's what General Conference means to me, it's an opportunity to sustain living prophets and to turn our home towards them and the words they share with us. Words that lift and inspire us to be better in all that we do and that help prepare us to be an eternal family.

First Day of School Pt. 2

Mena started school last Wednesday, September 9, 9009. She is in Miss Dori's class and her assistant Miss Kris. Her good buddy from church, Alexa LeJeune, is in her class. And so far her favorite part of school is playing outside. She also likes the puzzles and reading time.

We were a little worried that she wouldn't be going to pre-school this year because over the summer she kept saying that she didn't want to ever leave me. But we said she had to give it one week. If she really wanted to stay home this year she could. She is only 3! And barely three at that. But she really likes it, except for having to do her hair ever morning, those la-la's come out the minute she comes in the door.

She's our little cutie! And such a big girl, even though she is the smallest in her class and her book bag is almost as tall as she is, LOL!

First Day of School Pt. 1

What a handsome big guy! Jacob's been doing some growing this summer.

He now has two little sisters who he has said he'll "lay down his life" to protect. (he gets his flair for the dramatic from you-know-who) On Saturday he rode his first "adult" ride at the county fair with a wristband saying he's TALL enough for the 42" rides. And today he went off to school for his first full day and a lunchable in his backpack!

We'll also be working this month on having him walk home by himself. Even though we live across the street I have been trained by the news and NCMEC to be a fearful mother. He did walk home alone by the end of last year but I stood on the porch until he was in front of the house and then I'd walk him across the street. He also was let out with only other kindergartners. This year he'll be walking home with big kids as old as 6th grade! But in talking with my friend Kristen Truong and having been doing a little self-educating, I'm ready (sort of) to assist my children in being free range kids.

I don't know how my mom was able to put Emily and me
on a airplane by ourselves at 7 & 5 to fly each summer to visit our dad. (I do know she couldn't sleep the week before and often spent her nights crying) BUT she did it none the less. I walked to and from kindergarten, 3 blocks away. I've moved all over the country, many times just me and a pal with a loaded down car or truck. I was a free range kid and I'm very self-sufficient and independent. Yet, as a mother I'm a hoverer! Completely! Especially after the broken arm.

But here he is, the first step of the rest of his life as a full-time little man!

A little summer photo shoot.

It would be nice if she opened her eyes for one of these photos, but one can I say? She's a sleeper.

Ellis Grace Wylykanowitz

My little darling is now 11 days old and I haven't written about her yet! What the heebie-jeebies is wrong with me?! Well I HAVE been awfully busy looking into her beautiful blue eyes and stroking her very strawberry (sometimes red) blonde hair.

She was born July 28th at 8:28 am, 7 lbs. 8 oz., 20 inches long.

She sleeps like a champ! We didn't even need to buy our customary television series box set to get through midnight wakings. We feed her and she's down again. Her brother and sister love her and enjoy feeding and holding her.

I'm more tired and sore than with other two and am still taking minimal pain killers whereas before I didn't need any. But hey, I'm older and she is #3, at least that's what the doctor and nurses kept telling me the difference is. I'm not really complaining, it's a great excuse for not cleaning, doing laundry, or well...anything. I just sit in the rocker and hold her and usually Mena is on the other leg and we three girls just kick it, lazy style.

So here she is! All my worrying and tears for naught, really, thank heaven.

My last night of possible sleep....

But it wasn't. Jacob manipulated himself into our bed last night claiming he needed some mommy cuddles before the new baby came. Oh, he's good, isn't he? How could I resist? Then I forgot my Tylenol PM and so was up from 12:30 am until 3:30 am in which I got so sick of tossing and turning (which requires getting up on knees to accomodate massive belly) that I went downstairs and read a chapter of my homework that I need to finish before we leave at 4:30 to drop Rudy off at Ammon and Margarida's and then off to Emily's.

Because of being so far from the hospital, love that rural livin', (ok a GOOD hospital) we are staying at Emily's tonight after eating dinner with her family and our dad who just got in. Then we are spending the night with her since she's only 20 minutes from the hospital and we are close to an hour. She's taking care of the kids for us and with her being close they can come and go with Dad.

I have to admit that I'm scared.

With Jacob's arm, my appendectomy, the financial strain of our medical situation on top of having come to terms with no more babies only to find out I was pregnant after all with only a 3 day window before loss of insurance. The loss of my grandparents in such a bizarre manner, our continued insurance nightmare. Oh yeah, no one will cover us for six weeks after Ellis's birth so all of our follow up care will be out of pocket. I keep thinking that the rug underneath is not finished being pulled out.

When I did sleep last night I had horrible dreams with lots of pain, blood, and death. Gruesome? Yes. But our year didn't start January 1st. It started July 31, 2008 when my son shattered his elbow 2 1/2 hours before our insurance kicked in and has left us $20k+ in the whole and ending on July 31, 2009 with a daughter I pray with all my heart, will come home with us, because sometimes they don't.

But this is my deepest fear. The one I've only begun to admit to myself this weekend. That everything is going to be ok should be a given, but the one thing I've learned in the last 12 months is that life has no givens.

And yet, at the same time, I have really grown in my understanding of repentance and faith. But fear and faith cannot co-exist. One comes from love and the other... I have especially come to a fuller understanding of the power of Grace. And it is these powers that I am trying to draw upon 24 hours exactly from when Ellis's and my operation begin.

* Rane, Walter: Add to Your Faith. Unframed giclée print (www.ldscatalog.com)