What is a blog?

I never wrote further about Mena's dancing, because the last time I posted it wanted to underline everything. And I couldn't have that.

I have been so restless lately. I'm just a bundle of nerves. I've restarted Weight Watchers again because of a friend's little girl who asked when the other baby is going to come out of my tummy. My friend thought this was cute and passed it on thinking I would laugh the same way. I didn't. I smiled for her sake, and have been just furious inside. Mad at her for passing along something hurtful, and mad at myself for just not taking care of something that has bothered me ever since it was brought to my attention in the fourth grade that I'm soft. I have spent the first half of my life eating as a way to...survive? Emotionally? I don't know, but I don't want to waste the second half like this.

Another thing that's taking up useful brain cells is my writing, or lack there of. I have excused myself for not working on my craft by writing (usually) witty little notes on facebook. I've also not blogged because these fb sentences have felt creative enough. But there not. Of course there not. Nobody pays you and publishes your facebook sentences. I'm constantly whining about my financial situation (which drives my husband ABSOLUTELY bonkers! I might add) but at the same time I don't want a "real" job. I want to be a writer. I want to publish and walk in literary circles. I want to be a visiting professor at universities, discussing the actual craft of fiction. The importance of setting, character and plot. The boring yet pivitol need for well maintained sentence structure. How varying sentences size and style lends itself to a reader's understanding of character.

So it's 5:43 a.m. and I'm thrilled because I've gotten up the second day in a row before the gym to work on writing. But instead I signed up for BGSU's annual writer's weekend next week. I hope I get all my first choices for workshops, I'm very excited. And now it's time to go work out and be proud of time well spent, blogging and FB-ing. The novel will just have to wait until tomorrow...again.